Oh dear, this is when I probably shouldn't speak but will anyway. It's been sixteen years since the switch was flipped that started the inevitable transition from my pseudo-male existence to my appropriate female existence but here I am in a pit of despair, to be overly dramatic, in the failure of said transition. It ain't happening, to be non-eloquently blunt. I have hit the wall of financial inadequacy. (I love the big words of failure) Transgender is the new "avant garde" if you fit the Hollywood model of glamour queen. You might even get your own TV show. Unfortunately for the ordinary, less-than-pageant-grade transfolk life still sucks. I thought there was still a reason that I function among the cis-gendered population but I've completely lost that idea. Nothing makes sense anymore. There are things to do but very little ambition to do them. I can't afford the "goal" anymore so things have been reduced to the "playing out the endgame". If I can muster the energy I will try to make it interesting.