January 24th, two weeks of slow moving non-winter. I avoid the media due to it being "all Trump, all the time" with the increasing fear mongering from the Hillary camp since they have once again misjudged the commoner's intelligence and need for the non-corrupted candidate. They will revert to mud slinging and lies and in the end, lose. It got cold for awhile and the cosmos seems to have sucked out all the energy I had in reserve. Full moon depression is in effect and a week from my 66th birthday I'm not looking forward to another year of the same life. I've hit a huge wall in the two major parts of it, continuing transition and music. Transition is in idle. After 13 years of hormone treatment, this old body has changed as much as it can on its own which is not nearly enough for me to feel like the person I am inside my head. I need to be acceptable to myself as well as the broader public and that will never happen without some expensive surgeries. The current hype and exposure of trans people, particularly the celebrity, moneyed and surgically reconstructed trans people has made it much more difficult for those like myself to continue to move among the cis-gendered without being pointed at. If was better when no one knew what transgender meant, I was just an old lady with a husky voice. I do have friends but because of the stares, mis-gendering and behind the back questioning I will never let anyone get close to me. The music problem is just a follow up to that. I've given up any thoughts of ever being a professional musician again because the genres of music I play are not likely to be accepting of me in the foreseeable future. That's to say nothing of the fact that I'm "aged out" of any real chance of that happening anyway. I need to find a new drug, one that makes you like being alone.