It's Easter 2015 and I'm surprised that I'm still here. I concede that that is a multi-level statement and I should elaborate. When I was a younger human, posing as a male, I never entertained the thought that I would live this long, not long in current human longevity standards anyway. Halfway into transition I realized that I'd signed away any assets that would enable me to complete the journey. I don't believe in trying to reconstruct the bridges burned so I was left with a sense of winding down to the inevitable end. Unfortunately or fortunately, whichever you prefer, I have reclaimed part of my past life as a means of continuing this new one. It's not a happy one by any means but it enables me to still be here. All this must confuse those who put a high value on still being alive. I'm not one of them. I've entwined myself with others who now depend on my continuation. That is the only reason I don't end it as you read this. My talents are a culmination of teachings left to me by other humans, past and present. I have no desire to leave these teachings kept from others deemed worthy of this knowledge. So I continue to work and teach. Being here, however, in my present form, sucks. I am transgender and can't do anything about that but I don't have to like it. Believe me, it was so much nicer to live as a white male with white male privilege but that's the past. This is reality and if I wasn't as tough and resilient as I am, you wouldn't be reading this. Quoting Walter Cronkite, "that's the way it is". Now I live in a progressive community that seems for the most part to treat me as an equal human except for the daily "double takes and mis-gendendering comments" that a trans-person has to deal with. I pass these off and pretend I'm not bothered by it, otherwise I'd lose the clients that I need to stay in business. But I have to say here, and this is a BIG but, musicians are the exception and I have NEVER been maligned or disrespected by my friends in the music world. There seems to be a non-bias aspect to being a musician. A language that transcends discrimination. These people are another reason why I stay here. Then there are my children. How can I just quit being when they are still here for me to connect with. I have experienced the loss of my parents and as I know that is a "right of passage" in the human experience, I would rather that it happen by natural causes than by my own efforts. The last part of this rant, I suppose, is to my friends who practice ceremonial rites during this time. I applaud you for your adherence to tradition but I beg you to consider the reality of human existence in this time. It is dire. There needs to be a new paradigm in our goals as human and it does not lie in the beliefs of the past. Please look forward. Look at your children. Is this the world you want them to inherit? We can be so much more. Look to the stars. If I had the power, I would make it all right but I don't. I'm just one flawed human. Good luck.