The Mouse returns. This is a tough one. What do I say about the current media hype concerning transgender folks? How can I not love the newly emerged Caitlyn? We are the same age, the same mutation, sisters in arms. One of us is privileged and of the means to access any and all modifications to be the person of her dreams and one is not. I am the not. I struggle daily with the will to live. I say the three names of my children and I continue. This is a ritual. Each day I get over it, I move on, I do what I am good at. Yet, I can't feel that it's enough. Mainly because it has nothing to do with the pursuit of my own happiness. So selfish a wish and the last remnant of the guilt I carry for the act of transitioning. It has taken fifteen years to work through that guilt and each and every step has cost a piece of my soul. Hopefully there's spark left to ignite a new flame but it will take someone else to fan it. I am nearly done. I've tried my best to be another's idea of "me" and I don't regret it because it is what was. I do believe in fate, as ridiculous as that sounds but without it my past would be insignificant. Whatever time I have left is anyone's guess and I will cherish it with all the hope of one who has experienced life in and of many manifestations. It's been real. Let's hope there's more.